Granted, he was awesome in Major League

No seriously. I can’t turn on the news and get information on something that actually freaking matters because our society is obsessed with constant stories about this douchebag’s latest drug-induced crime spree.

I GET IT. HE LIKES COCAINE AND HOOKERS. NEXT STORY.

What really gets me about the unwashed masses and their obsession with Charlie Sheen is that he’s really only famous right now for starring in the shittiest sitcom ever made. If someone told me that Two and a Half Men was a secret Nazi weapon that archaeologists discovered and accidentally activated in 2003, I would believe them. The Zombie Apocalypse has almost certainly begun if there are actually enough brain dead people in the country to make it the #1 sitcom on TV.

For my part, if I’m ever faced with having to save a stranger’s life by pulling them out of a burning building or jumping in a river after them, I’m first going to ask them if they watch Two and a Half Men. If the answer is “yes” then I will walk away ignoring their tortured cries for help and SLEEP LIKE A BABY that night.

The fact that Charlie Sheen tries to self destruct and escape into a haze of cocaine and porn stars is actually a good thing. If the guy didn’t hate himself, then that might actually be newsworthy.

Related story: The Tannenbaum Company was one of the groups that I pitched Gamers to several years ago. Eric Tannenbaum is one of Two and a Half Men’s executive producers, and when I looked deep into his beady little eyes there was absolutely nothing looking back at me. No soul, no intelligence, no sign of human life. I’m pretty sure that he was an evil robot… not to mention the fact that he was a giant ass hat.

A few days ago I begrudgingly started using my twitter account in order to help promote the new site… and I’ve found that actually bringing myself to post a tweet is a struggle.

My problem is not that I have a lack of interesting thoughts or experiences to tweet about throughout the day – the issue is that I can’t picture anyone else actually giving a damn about them. Why? Because of my own perspective on other people’s tweets:

There isn’t a single person on this planet whom I’d like to hear from on a daily basis.

…Much less every hour or two. I don’t want to know what you had for lunch, I have no interest in your political opinions, and I certainly don’t care about your crappy puns and/or cliche ridden observations on life.

Heck, even if my wonderful wife had a twitter feed, I wouldn’t read it. The only tweets I’d care about from her would be things like:

For me the final nail in the Twitter coffin is that I hate people who are obsessed with celebrities; Twitter is a breeding ground for them. The celebrities themselves are often huge douchebags, but their millions of brainless followers are the real plague on humanity.

The only type of celebrity tweet that I’d ever give a crap about:

But I relent. The success of Twitter obviously indicates that I’m in the minority with this point of view. If the average person really enjoys reading about other people’s  lives 10 times a day, 140 characters at a time, then so be it.

Start following me on twitter and I’ll do my best to bore you to death with witty anecdotes about life and tales of how awesome my lunch was… just as soon as I can convince myself to force them upon you.

A couple years ago YouTube finally got its act together and started allowing 16×9 and HD videos to be posted in their native format. Now that I’ve got my act together and have started working on videos again, I’ve decided to re-upload some of my favorite creations in 16×9 and/or HD.

Check after the jump for direct links and embeds: Read more…

As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been writing in a personal blog for years now on an independent game development site. Some time ago I also tried to start up a separate blog devoted mostly to politics… but after a couple months I realized that I absolutely f***ing hate political blogs and the people who write them. In fact, I generally can’t stand any bloggers. This diagram illustrates the problem:

As you can see, very few reasonable human beings ever even choose to write a blog in the first place. Fewer yet manage to keep it entertaining or informative enough to make it worth reading on a regular basis. I believe that I fall into the purple zone on this diagram – but we’ll see if others will actually enjoy reading what I have to write. Regardless, I’m not going to concern myself with amassing OMG 1 MILLION READERS11!1!!1. Like my YouTube shorts, I’ll be writing this blog purely for the enjoyment of the process. Any viewership that I happen to wrangle in is just icing on the cake.

So what am I getting at? My goal with this blog is to write/rant/babble about anything and everything, and to have fun while I’m doing it. Now that we’ve got “the talk” out of the way with this post, I can get started with writing it.

Warning: If in the distant future the Hipster population gets out of control and they somehow take over the planet (henceforth referred to as the HIPSTOCALYPSE), this place will transform into an underground blog from which I shall spearhead the resistance movement. We may not be able to save humanity, but we’ll take as many of those PBR guzzling douchebags with us as we possibly can. Viva La Resistance