2011
The girl who had my cell phone number before me
A couple years ago when I first moved to Los Angeles I changed my cell phone over to a local number. Long story short, I apparently wasn’t the first person to have owned that number. Meet Asha:
This is a composite sketch that I’ve drawn with MS Paint based upon everything that I’ve learned about her in the past two years. That’s right, after two years I’m still getting calls for this girl.
Let’s go over the facts:
- Asha is some sort of model (or told people that she was).
- She drives a BMW that she decided to never make the payments on
- She likes credit cards as well, but decided not to pay for those either.
- Asha is lonely (hence the tears). She apparently neglected to tell any of her friends that she changed her cell phone number two years ago.
- About her friends: When they call, they’re stupid enough to leave a message for her even after hearing my “You’ve reached Ben Mallahan” voicemail blurb.
But why is she naked in the above composite sketch, you ask? Because with all of the “booty call” voicemails and text messages I’ve received for this girl over the years, I doubt that she ever gets much of a chance to wear clothing. You haven’t lived until as a 20-something male you’re woken up at 1:42 AM by a text message that reads “hey grl wat u doin 2nite?”.
I’ve always wanted to respond to those text messages with something like this:
Either reply would suffice
As annoying as the occasional phone calls are, Asha serves as a nice reminder of one of the many reasons why I got the heck out of Los Angeles. A slutty girl who says that she’s a model and drives an expensive car that she can’t afford is one of about 5 different horrible types of people who inhabit that city. Not having to share the same crowded streets or breathe the same smog filled air as they do anymore is a miracle.
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I have the same thing happening to me. After having this number for two years, I am still getting calls for Nicholas and I can never understand his last name. It sounds like the people calling are saying Nicholas Somebody. Really. As far as I’ve figured out, he fixes electrical problems for people, but isn’t very good because the people always call back and ask him to fix some problem again, he is in debt, he hasn’t picked up his meds from CVS, he had some sort of medical test done and he doesn’t know why, he never told his aunt who lives in Florida that it he changed his number so on his birthday she calls ME, and there are a few more things, too. I suspect he forget to take his meds, do he forgot to pay his bills, got in debt, and tried to run away from the government and live off the grid.
Uggh, I feel your pain. My nemesis is Amber and she must have worked in a bar. I get calls all the time at 1 or 2 am. I love that people get upset with me when I don’ t give them her new number. Like I know her or something. I have actually written sarcastic “you know I have always wanted to sleep with you” texts back to people. it is amazing how much you can learn about a person by their misdirected phone calls. Now every time I hear an Amber being paged in a store I wonder if that is my Amber.
I feel ya. I still can’t understand my person’s name because it’s Spanish and I don’t speak Spanish. My person’s kid’s daycare has called multiple times telling me (at 5am my time) day care is cancelled for something, their pediatrician keeps calling me to remind me about their kid’s dr appt, a lawyer’s office has called looking for him because he failed to appear to his court hearing …. about 500 friends have called. I’ve had the phone number for 3 months and I have gotten about 15 calls a day for this guy.